07 Mar 2022

As an inevitable part of life, grief should be managed and controlled, not to end up taking control over one’s life.

This was said by Chancellor of the University of Botswana, Tebelelo Seretse, when launching a book entitled: ‘The Cut Umbilical Cord’ on Saturday.

 Seretse said the book came at the right time when Batswana were battling with death, left, right and centre, because of COVID-19 as people were suddenly dying unexpectedly.

She said as painful as death was, one needs to find solace and comfort, adding that most people were struggling with emotions.

“I lost my mother 20 years back, but just recently I cried over that,” she said, adding that mourning was a process and ‘The Cut Umbilical Cord’ would give one closure about death and the need to cut the umbilical cord for good.

Seretse said the book was an eye opener and a must read for every person, since somehow everyone would encounter death at some point in life, with emotion and pain that is exterminating. She said the book teaches how to live again, after the departure of a loved one and commended the author for her insight, saying the book narrates the realities of life and acts as an antidote and a healing balm one needs during bereavement.

She acknowledged the importance of attachments with others and that the bereavement process was a natural response to broken attachment bonds, saying the book would teach one that the “experience of grief is painful and one must learn how to let go of attachments following a significant loss.”

 She said attachments or bonds that people form with their mothers continue to exist even in their absence.

The author, Pauline Mpofu said “in our hearts, we all know that death is part of life and we understand the passing of life to death, but our emotions swell and cause hearts to pound in echoing macabre in indignation of loss, we are never ready”.

Mpofu, who is also an ordained pastor, said the book was conceptualised after her mother passed on and she could not take it after many years. She said now that most lives were ravaged by COVID-19, it became apparent that indeed it was time to speak out, to reach out to people and for emotional healing to take place.

She said ‘The Cut Umbilical Cord’ was a revelation that death was like cutting the umbilical cord that was done during birth and in death, it would be cut for the second and last time.

“I liken death pain to the time when the umbilical cord that joins a baby to its mother is cut physically with a pair of scissors, to the pain one experiences through death of a mother,” said Ms Mpofu. She added that the umbilical cord would be cut by death regardless of whether one was ready or not, and one would be forced to let go in the most unsympathetic way.

She said after losing her mother, as the first born child, she remained strong for her siblings and concealed her fears, and like many of other Batswana, she never went for counselling, but deep down, grief would overtake her emotions.

Mpofu said losing a loved one was not easy, but was a defining moment for the survivor, which needs to be dealt with and then graduated from.

“Loss of a loved one is a reality that we must all live with, however it turns out that we are never fully armed to handle the experience, it always takes us by surprise and tears us apart,” she noted.

She said with her book, she was on a quest to make people aware of the sad reality of losing a mother and in it encapsulates personal narratives and professional versions as to why things happen the way they do, while experiencing grief and the biblical aspects to draw lessons from the loss and ultimately emerge out of the fog being able to face the world again.

Mpofu said man has experienced the realities of death from time immemorial, adding that but despite its inevitability, people were rarely adequately equipped to deal with the pain and emotional turmoil that follows.

She said pain from the death of a loved one was not a respecter of age, as no matter how old one was, it still inflicts pain and brings a strange and foreign reality.

She said although people react different during loss of a parent, she wrote the book to encourage people that they should not let death, get so deep on them to cause sickness. She said in such times, it was always better if people look up to God; their supreme power and creator.

Mpofu said grief was a natural response to loss, adding that often, the pain of loss could be overwhelming, with people experiencing all kinds of difficult and unexpected emotions, from shock, denial, despair or anger to disbelief, guilt and profound sadness.

She added that the pain of grief could also disrupt physical and encouraged individuals not to be quitters when faced with such but seek help to overcome even physiological states of powerlessness and vulnerability.

The book offers a range of topics on dealing with trauma of losing a loved one such as denial, anger, acceptance, snapping out of it through prayer and hope.

Acknowledging that grief after a loved one dies could be overwhelming and even traumatic, the book’s editor, Lorato Mphusu, said it teaches that eventually, one must learn how to reorganise their sense of self and rediscover their unique place in the world without their loved one.

Mphusu said though some people could successfully cope with and adapt to a loss, some individuals may have lingering pathological or traumatic grief and may need to seek professional services to overcome their emotional pain.

“Confronting death need not result in despair that strips away all purpose in life, on the contrary, it can be an awakening experience to a fuller life,” said Mphusu and that ‘The Cut Umbilical Cord’ echoes that. ENDS