27 Sep 2018

Losing a loved one is considered one of the most painful moments in one’s life. It is the time that the bereaved family expects to be comforted in all ways possible.

Common practice among many practices is that when a family is bereaved, the community congregates to offer their condolences. Close relatives and friends often move in to be closer to the family until after the funeral.

However, there have been concerns that the daily memorial services, instead of comforting the bereaved families, put them in debt that would be felt months after the funeral.

This is mainly due to the practice where the village expects to be fed, on a daily basis, two or even three meals a day by the bereaved family. 

The practice is so rife across the country that in 2000, dikgosi in the Kweneng District mooted the idea of banning it in their area, but they only settled on just discouraging it. 

“We do not have the powers to force it upon our people, so we just took a decision to discourage it,” said Kgosi Moala Gaerupi of Salajwe. 

“It was an initiative we saw necessary as magosi in the district looking at its aftermath on our communities. It should be noted however, that we do not force people to abide, those who want to provide food can do so, but personally if I had the powers, I would ban it altogether in my village,” the towering kgosi indicated.

Kgosi Gaerupi, however, indicated that to his joy, his people have embraced the idea as providing unnecessary free meals was not that common in Salajwe.

He said the idea was that food should only be provided to those who have moved in fulltime to be closer to the bereaved family.

“Normally when death occurs, there are those close to the family such as relatives and friends who move in, and those are the ones that should be fed because they are there fulltime. Of course, a passer-by should not be denied food if he happens to be there by the time food is served, but the concern here is those who deliberately target meal times,” he said.

He said the desire was that food should only be provided during the day of the funeral. 

“That is when the family can provide as much food as it can, we have no problem with that because there would be many people coming from distances to come and comfort them,” he said.

Kgosi Gaerupi indicated his wish that other parts of the county could emulate Kweneng West and desist from providing food during the daily memorial services, something he said would save bereaved families big and help them avoid post bereavement debt.

Along the Letlhakeng-Morwamosu road, 50 km west of Letlhakeng lies the village of Maboane. Led by the youthful Kgosi Kaisara Phuthego, the village has also embraced the idea, just like the rest of the area.

“My people love the idea and have become used to the practice, and it was easy for them to welcome it looking at the fact that it is cost saving. To be honest, my people would be more shocked if they were to be provided with food after the memorial service,” he said.

Kgosi Phuthego said funeral preparations mostly take up a whole week, meaning that if the bereaved family was to provide food for all those days, it would be too steep on them.

“Imagine feeding about 50 people about three meals on a daily basis, how many families would cope with that without landing into post-funeral debt,” he posed.

Giving a clearer genesis of the idea, Kgosi Phuthego said it was mooted by one Mr Alex Harry, a former police boss and native of the area. 

He said Mr Harry, who was later to become the constituency secretary to former area Member of Parliament, Mr Boometswe Mokgothu seemed to have been impressed by the idea after copying it somewhere.

“Mr Harry then proposed the idea to magosi in the area and they embraced it and consulted their respective communities, who also embraced it,” he said. 

Kgosi Phuthego also indicated that normally, when something new is introduced into the community, there would always be dissenting voices, but that with time, people would accept the new changes.

He cited an example of mortuaries, saying that a long time back people buried their loved ones in the backyard without even taking them to mortuaries, but that with time, they embraced the idea of using graveyards and keeping their departed at mortuaries while still preparing for the funeral.

Funeral preparations are considered the second most costly family affairs after weddings, and while the latter is acceptable to some degree as it is a time of celebrations and mostly planned for, death on one hand is more of a concern as it mostly strikes when people are unaware and not financially prepared. ENDS